The Alabaster Box and Annie Louise

For the last few years, I have loved CeCe Winan's song "The Alabaster Box." The song embodies so much of my love for God and my willingness to surrender all to Him.

On December 15th, 2024, my birthday, worship had just concluded at church, and I had settled into my seat. I quickly wanted to look up some of the scriptures about the alabaster box because I had been singing it more and more in the car, and I wanted to know exactly what the scriptures said.

As I read through the words, word for word, I heard the pastor saying the same exact words, and I was shocked. I thought to myself, Could this entire sermon be about the alabaster box? Are they going to sing the song? And yes, the entire sermon was about the alabaster box, and they sang the song. I sat there, melting into the seat, filled with awe and wonder at the way God had given me this special gift on my birthday, blessing me in a way only He could.

To me, my alabaster box goes back to Annie Louise. In 2016, I lost Annie Louise in a miscarriage at 9 weeks pregnant. She had died at 7 and a half weeks. At 3 a.m., it broke my heart to place her in a box, kneel, and lay her down at God's feet, saying once again, "God, I trust Your plan."

It was so much more than just a loss. That night, I laid down not only my child but my greatest desire, my deepest longing—to have more children. I gave it to God. I placed my most precious dream in His hands, and I said, "Your will be done." That moment of surrender was my alabaster box—the place where my will, my hopes, and my heart were laid bare before Him.

The lyrics say, “You weren’t there the night He found me. You did not feel what I felt when He wrapped His loving arms around me, and you don’t know the cost of the oil in my alabaster box.”

God met me that night—at 3 a.m. He met me in my grief, in my surrender, in the depths of my pain. He led me to Isaiah 49:23-25, where He promised, “Kings shall be your nursing fathers, and queens your nursing mothers.” In that moment, He wrapped me in His love, and He spoke directly to my soul. He knew the cost. He knew what I had laid down, what I had surrendered. Only He truly understands that cost, but that’s how much I trust Him.

That’s my alabaster box—my deepest surrender, my greatest loss, and my unwavering trust in God.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQgr01QKlFY

10 Years: From the Bottom of My Heart

 

It’s been ten years. I can’t imagine what life would be like and the grief of what could have been makes the thought unbearable. 

Grief is a hard word to define and the spectrum of sorrow that lies within is deadening. It’s where dreams are buried, opportunities are lost, and ears to listen sometimes seem like empty sympathies with each passing year. You feel like a victim, but in comparison you’re not. You never are. Somebody had it worse, so you tuck it in unreachable places only to be spoken of when you know you’re safe. 

From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank those of you who have loved on me, prayed for me, and encouraged me over the last ten years. You bless me more than you know. You’re in my life for a reason, and I pray I get to bless you in return. 

Love,

Kim

180 Degrees

 

Happy 9th Birthday, Brynlee!

I can't believe it's been 9 years. At the same time, it still hurts too much to imagine what life would have been like with two girls. It hurts, but I know God's plans are best. 

As with many of my annual posts, I'm still amazed with the people God surrounds me with - new ones who tweak my thinking, new ones who make me laugh, new ones who are so helpful, new ones who give me grace, and new ones who just love me. 

My constant is Jamie. This March 9th will mark 26 years since we had our first date. He constantly helps me through my transitions, cherishes our time together, and entertains me like no other. Last December, Jamie was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma, and I've been so impressed with his drive to beat it. His radiation is done, so we are praying he's completely healed. 

As for Lilianna, she is our light. We spoil her with love, and it's a blessing to do so. 

This year God has reminded me how he can come into any situation and flip it 180 degrees according to His will. He might not answer all my prayers, but when he does - he does big time, in big ways, with huge blessings. 

"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." ~ Psalm 30:5

I’m so thankful for all the blessings God has given our family this year, and I pray God continues to show me how to love His people, because His people have sure loved me.  

Happy Birthday, My Sweet Brynlee

Peekaboo - May 2013: https://peekaboonwa.com/carrying-brynlee/

Peekaboo - February 2016: https://peekaboonwa.com/remembering-brynlee-our-update/

God's Got You

Over the last eight years, Brynlee's birthday has consistently been marked by the many Facebook Memories posted by so many friends back in 2013. 

I cherish these each year because I'm reminded about how much I was loved and cared for during that time. I've written about it many times because it kind of shocked me then and kind of still does. 

It's amazing how God uses His people to bless you when you need it most. I don't keep up with all of the people who left me all of those sweet messages then, but I know if I needed them still they would be there for me. 

When you're weak, God is so strong. He uses His people, scriptures, and circumstances to bless you.

I have a lot of good things going on this year, and I am so thankful for all the amazing people God continues to put in my life. They are smart and talented, and I am learning so much.

Also, Jamie has been a huge blessing to me. God has used him in ways to bless me that he doesn't even realize. It's kind of cool. Lilianna is doing great too. She has a very tender heart. 

And, here is one last tidbit. I've been saying for years that rejection is protection, but this year I've had to expand that sentence.

Rejection is protection to move you in a different direction because you are God's chosen selection!

If certain people are not in your life right now, that's okay. There are certain people God has in your life right now for certain reasons, and you never know which ones will be lifelong friends. Seek those people, bless and propel them. Overall, God's got you, and you are never alone. 

Update: I just realized this post is just like my 2018 post, but that just proves that I am still so thankful for the people God continues to put in my life. 

Mountains in Your Life

Brynlee would be seven years old today.

The thought of having one third grader and one first grader sounds glorious, but I know God's plans are greater.

It's cool how you can read a scripture or chapter in the Bible, and it can stay glued to your heart for days, weeks, and months. That's how Job 9 and Exodus 31 have been for me this year. What really sticks out to me are the scriptures about mountains.

I've always loved Isaiah 55:12.

You will go out in joy
    and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
    will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
    will clap their hands.

In Exodus 33, Moses asks God to send His glory. God says He will, but Moses cannot see His face. For nobody can see His face and live. He goes on to say that Moses will be able to look back and see his back. To me that means we will be able to look back and see where God has been, which is a lot like my 2018 post. In 2018, I talked a lot about how I can look back over my life and see where God has been and how he has taken care of me. 

In order for God to come down, he had to hide Moses in the cleft of the rock, so the mountain really is a mountain of protection. 

Later, God brought me to Job 9, which brought me to my knees. God's works are so profound and so vast. Who are we to dispute anything with him. 

Job 9:5 
He moves mountains without their knowing it
    and overturns them in his anger.

What the enemy meant for harm, God meant for good. Even if the enemy put mountains in your life for harm, God will overturn them and use them for your good. 

In Isaiah 49:11, God says He will turn mountains into roadways. 

God is in control of all of your mountains. He can turn them into roads, He can hide you inside of them, and he has already moved so many in your life. 

I'm praying these scriptures bless you this year as they have blessed me. 

Prayers Answered and Prayers Not Yet Seemingly Answered

It's been six years since we lost Brynlee, and I'm doing good overall.

I have so much to be happy and thankful for each day.

First, I love my husband. We are doing great, and I'm so happy about how God has moved even more into his life this year. It's exciting to see what God is doing.

Second, Lilianna is doing great. We love her so much. I am thankful I have one beautiful daughter who lights up my world, brings me constant joy, and amazes me more and more. Jamie and I love that she thinks we are so cool right now. She even shows us off. I know this won't last long, so I'm enjoying it.

Third, we are healthy. I'm thankful for our health. I was having some trouble with my cholesterol, but I managed to lower it with my diet, so I'm thankful I was able to do that, and I hope to lower it even more.

Fourth, we love our jobs! Our work families are amazing, and they bless us both.

Last, I'm thankful for all the prayers God has answered. Some answers come quickly and some take years, but it's amazing to look back over my life and see how God has answered the prayers in His time.

Obviously, he has not seemingly answered all of my prayers yet, and I'm becoming more and more ok with that, even though it still saddens me I couldn't have more children.

Here is what I know. I know it's ok to ask for things you need and to trust in God to provide for those needs and even wants. If he answers the prayer, it's for His good. If he does not yet answer the prayer or answers it the way you specifically wanted, it's for His good.

1 John 5:14-15 ESV 

And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.

Hebrews 11:6 ESV 

And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.

Philippians 4:6 ESV 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

I'm not yet who I want to be, but a thousand times better because of God. He sustains me and blesses me. Thankfully, His mercies are new each morning. I'm currently praying about new ways for God to use me because I want the whole world to know that there is someone who loves them, hears them, forgives them, and is there for them when it seems like they're all alone.

He sends the rain guys.
Listen to this new, awesome song.
Send the Rain: Fresh Start Music
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tuMN_lTFPyw

By the way, I don't often post pictures on this public blog because it picks up more attention from foreign countries when I do, and that has concerned me.

You're Not Alone

I sat down tonight to write a post that’s been on my mind for months, but tonight I couldn’t find the right words. Tomorrow will be five years since Brynlee went to Heaven, and I wanted to write about the five things I knew to be true since her loss. I was going to write about the importance of wisdom, obedience, faith, hope, and love, but each message seemed redundant. I’ve written about all those things over the last five years, and I didn’t believe that was the message I was supposed to share now, so…...I prayed.

Then, it was clear.

Deuteronomy 31:8 says, “The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid. Do not be discouraged.”

It’s a beautiful thing to sit back and see how God orchestrated my life before Brynlee and up until now, and oh how He loves me, you - us. He has encompassed our lives with the most astounding people who are loving, supportive, and enrich us spiritually and professionally. God has gone before each trial in our lives and prepared a path for us full of love and hope by using His people to bless us.

It was hard to lose my dad at the age of 18, but there were many people in my life who were there for me during that time and who helped mentor me. Many friends too have continued to bless me even though I live so far away.

When I moved to NWA, it was really hard on me because I didn’t want to leave my support system, but God immediately started putting people in my life who would sustain me through my future trials, and I will be forever thankful for them. When I lost Brynlee, I had a chorus of people praying for me. I never felt the prayers stop. I safely rested in the palm of God’s hand and faced each day with people who God specifically placed around me.

And, even now, as life continues to happen, I couldn’t be more blessed. I recently broke my leg, and the amount of love and support I have received has been humbling. God knew this was going to happen to me, and he already had His support team in place. The last six weeks, honestly, haven’t been horribly hard. The motorized wheelchair I have at work has been my greatest blessing. God knows how important work is to me, so it’s neat to see how he set the wheels in motion to have that chair available for me. Also, I have loved my people - my people I get to enjoy and learn from each and everyday. They have taken great care of me during this time. It’s just hard to comprehend how God has used so many people to bless me in the last five years. 

With each trial you face, God is there for you. He has people in place for you. Living a life for God is more than rewarding because it’s a testimony that can be passed down for generations. When you walk with Jesus, you never walk alone. He walks before you and stays with you. He sets things into motion that you would never even expect. There is no reason to be scared or discouraged.

I go to the doctor on Monday, and I’m praying so much that I’ll be able to start walking on my leg, but even if I don’t, I know God has a plan. (But, I really hope I can walk again because I have a lot going on for the next two weeks.) Either way, it’s in God’s hands.

I’m praying God shows you His people He has around you right now for the purposes He plans to fulfill in your life in this season. As each bud begins to bloom this spring, may God reveal to you all the ways He is holding you, preparing you, and loving on you. Trust Him, and do not be afraid. Brynlee was born for so many purposes. Tomorrow, on her fifth birthday, I pray you feel God’s love enlighten your heart and contagiously help you spread your joy to each person God has specially placed in your life this season.

My Hope is Built on Nothing Less

People who have heard my stories know how I have struggled with the word hope. I struggled because I didn’t understand what hope meant. God says to put our hope in Him, but to be honest I put my hope in all my wishes, my dreams, my plans, and my desires. My hope was that He would give me those things, but my hope was not in Him and His glorious ways. I was so blind to the truth, to His word. I was so deep in my desires and not in His desires. Outwardly, it appeared I had such faith, and I spoke of His faith, but I didn’t truly have the rock solid faith I needed to have peace, peace when alone, peace about my future, and peace to share with others. I had fear. I love Ecclesiastes 11:3 when it basically says the tree is going to land where the tree is going to land. To me it says God’s plans will prevail, and I know His plans are best. In verse four, I was struck by the paralyzing power of fear. Then, verse 5 said it all - said it all. God is the maker of all things. He is the maker of all things, all babies, all jobs, all health issues, all marriages, and all elected officials.

Ecclesiastes 11New International Version (NIV)

Invest in Many Ventures

11 Ship your grain across the sea;

   after many days you may receive a return.

2 Invest in seven ventures, yes, in eight;

   you do not know what disaster may come upon the land.

3 If clouds are full of water,

   they pour rain on the earth.

Whether a tree falls to the south or to the north,

   in the place where it falls, there it will lie.

4 Whoever watches the wind will not plant;

   whoever looks at the clouds will not reap.

5 As you do not know the path of the wind,

   or how the body is formed[a] in a mother’s womb,

so you cannot understand the work of God,

   the Maker of all things.

6 Sow your seed in the morning,

   and at evening let your hands not be idle,

for you do not know which will succeed,

   whether this or that,

   or whether both will do equally well.

Basically, the tree is going to be where the tree is going to be.

I’m obviously still working on developing that peace that glorifies God in all things, and it’s definitely a work in progress.

Recently, I read about Moses’ mother, and I was astonished by her mighty faith and how her hope was in the Lord and not her own obvious desires.  

Exodus 2:1-10New International Version (NIV)

The Birth of Moses

2 Now a man of the tribe of Levi married a Levite woman, 2 and she became pregnant and gave birth to a son. When she saw that he was a fine child, she hid him for three months. 3 But when she could hide him no longer, she got a papyrus basket[a] for him and coated it with tar and pitch. Then she placed the child in it and put it among the reeds along the bank of the Nile. 4 His sister stood at a distance to see what would happen to him.

5 Then Pharaoh’s daughter went down to the Nile to bathe, and her attendants were walking along the riverbank. She saw the basket among the reeds and sent her female slave to get it. 6 She opened it and saw the baby. He was crying, and she felt sorry for him. “This is one of the Hebrew babies,” she said.

7 Then his sister asked Pharaoh’s daughter, “Shall I go and get one of the Hebrew women to nurse the baby for you?”

8 “Yes, go,” she answered. So the girl went and got the baby’s mother. 9 Pharaoh’s daughter said to her, “Take this baby and nurse him for me, and I will pay you.” So the woman took the baby and nursed him. 10 When the child grew older, she took him to Pharaoh’s daughter and he became her son. She named him Moses,[b] saying, “I drew him out of the water.”

Her story spoke to my heart. It was amazing to me that her faith was rewarded when she was able to nurse her son and even receive pay for doing so. That’s only the work God can do. I love our God of miracles, divine intervention, and unseen plans.

Hebrews 11:1King James Version (KJV)

11 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

God says to hope in things unseen. Oh how beautiful are the things unseen, like Heaven and God’s glory. Four years since Brynlee’s birth I can finally say my hope is in the Lord like never before, all His promises and all His ways - not my ways or my dreams.

My hope is built on nothing less

    than Jesus' blood and righteousness.

    I dare not trust the sweetest frame,

    but wholly lean on Jesus' name.

Refrain:

    On Christ the solid rock I stand,

    all other ground is sinking sand;

    all other ground is sinking sand.

2.    When Darkness veils his lovely face,

    I rest on his unchanging grace.

    In every high and stormy gale,

    my anchor holds within the veil.

    (Refrain)

3.    His oath, his covenant, his blood

    supports me in the whelming flood.

    When all around my soul gives way,

    he then is all my hope and stay.

    (Refrain)

4.    When he shall come with trumpet sound,

    O may I then in him be found!

    Dressed in his righteousness alone,

    faultless to stand before the throne!

    (Refrain)  

Your hope can be found in God and all unseen, glorious things. I pray His peace prevails when darkness hails. My hope is built on nothing less.

It's been 2 years.

Ever feel like you’re at a masquerade ball with your mask of happiness on, so people won’t know your true pain?

I know I wear my mask sometimes. It’s understandable that we wear it at times. But if you’re hurting, how do I know?

If I really knew your pain, I’d let you know that you’ll get through it.

Yes, you’ll get through it.

“You’ll get through this. It won’t be painless. It won’t be quick. But God will use this mess for good. In the meantime don’t be foolish or naïve. But don’t despair either. With God’s help you will get through this.” ~ Max Lucado: You’ll Get Through This

• God will use the evil for GOOD. (Genesis 50:20)

This is my favorite go to verse in times of hurt and pain. I know everything is for God’s glory – EVERYTHING, so this reminder helps.

• God will be with you at ALL times. (Isaiah 43:2)

• God is with YOU wherever you are in your life. (Genesis 28:15)

When you are wearing that mask, he is with you.

• God has an amazing plan for YOUR life. (Isaiah 55:8-13)

This can be hard to believe, but hold on to this promise!

• God is your HOPE. (Psalm 42:5)

• God is your STRENGTH. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

I’m not a fan of hope deferred because I’m extremely optimistic, which leads me to disappointment at times, but knowing that it all ends up for God’s glory helps me put one foot in front of the other.

• God wants you to REST in him. (Psalm 37:7)

Read His word, sing His praises, follow His people, and take joy in knowing that you don’t have to do a thing, because God has got this.

• God’s ways are PERFECT. (Psalm 18:30)

• God has made everything BEAUTIFUL. (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

• God’s plan is ABUNDANT. (Ephesians 3:20-21)

Everything is for God’s glory – at all times. If we only knew how much He loved us we would never, ever doubt His plan.

“Remember you have a choice. Remember to let peace rule. Remember to believe God’s truth even when it doesn’t feel true. Remember that your life is hidden with Christ in God, you no longer have to manufacture your own safe place.” ~ Emily P. Freeman: Grace for the Good Girl

It’s often easy for me to submit to God with the following understanding: it is well with my soul, it’s all for God’s glory, and Heaven is more than enough.

This has been my motto for awhile now.

Will I worry about tomorrow? Yes, I’m a sinner. I’m working on that. Am I writing this for myself? Yes. Will it help the person who is struggling behind the mask? I hope so.

“There is no magic formula to living life free of masks. There is no automatic mask remover. The masks will never disappear completely as long as we live in a fallen world. I have days where it feels as if my only option is to pull out those well-worn masks and move through life in survival mode, content to be good and invisible. But I can’t stay there for long, because I have tasted freedom. I know the truth about the rescue.” ~ Emily P. Freeman: Grace for the Good Girl

“I know the truth about the rescue.” Let that resonate….

All of God’s glory reigning down on you during this trial and being manifested through you for the greatness of His truth is liberating, door opening, and mountain moving – mountain moving!

When the devil creeps in like a snake to tear apart your faith, rebuke him. I say it again, rebuke him. The devil comes to kill, steal, and destroy. (John 10:10) Command him to flee and claim the victory with God’s word.

If you feel distress, grab your bible. Read God’s word. (Hint: It does help to focus on those highlighted scriptures.) Seek God where he may be found. Run to him, and flee from the devil’s lies.

You are God’s chosen one. He didn’t choose somebody else, He chose you! During our weakness, He is strong. When you’re sad, depressed, and lost, He can be found in a mighty way with miracles abounding – even the really good life changing kinds in the hearts of His people that bring about God’s glory for all His people.

I know you’ll get through it, but to be honest, I do have to remind myself of this.

It was two years ago today that I lost Brynlee, my stillborn daughter, and I almost lost my own life. I wear my mask often. Actually, I get real embarrassed when I take it off and spill my guts. In an odd way, it’s good that I wear it sometimes. If you know me, that makes sense. : )

However, losing Brynlee has been really hard on me. I said so many times when I lost her that I was going to fulfill every purpose for her life and help it lead to God’s glory.

So, what did the devil do? He decided to attack.

Now, I face depression and fears, but God DID NOT put Brynlee in my life to ruin my hopes and dreams and cause me years of depression and fears. That was not the purpose for her life. So, I have to work every day – every single day – to trust God, His plan, and His purpose. How do I do that? I read his word and remind myself that everything is for God’s glory. No matter what tomorrow holds, I know who holds it.

I know I’ll get through this if I keep God as my focus.

Do you have a sick child? Are you sick? Keep God as your focus to heal your pain.

Do you have lost family and friends? Keep God as your focus to help guide them.

Do you struggle with future decisions? Trust God and focus on His word.

Are you worried about your marriage? Keep it in God’s hands. Be still, and know that He is God.

Do money burdens depress you? Trust God will make a way.

Are you lonely in some form or fashion? Cling to God and his word.

I don’t know why you’re wearing your mask, but trust God to get you through this season. Someday you’ll be able to remove your mask, and I’ll be able to remove mine too.

As for tomorrow, tomorrow will worry about itself. (Matthew 6:34)

“After all, tomorrow is another day!” ~ Gone with the Wind

Today, I will serve the Lord.

It's Been a Year

 I'm typing from my iPad tonight, and I can't type anything past #4, so I'll make more changes later. #computerproblems

5 Things I've Learned This Year:

1. God's love is real, and it lives and thrives in us. We have the ability to share it in multiple ways everyday. I was overwhelmingly blessed by His love this year through so many of you.


Thank you to Paula, Tiffany, and Colleen for my beautiful flowers!

Also, I'm thankful He put Bonnie in my life. She has taught me how to share God's love.
http://sweetcarolinebaby.blogspot.com/

2. If your world is ever shattered, choose God. A girl in my bible study recently lost her baby and has cancer, but she still chooses God.
http://mrsclarkbar.blogspot.com/

3. Be obedient. For me, this means I choose to submit to my husband's spiritual authority. Particularly, I'm choosing to trust my husband's decision making regarding whether or not we have another baby. Honestly, this is not easy for me. It's really hard. But, it's the right decision for me.

This lady has inspired me as a wife.
http://womenlivingwell.org/

4. God works in mysterious ways. He can use so many people in so many ways to minister to you. He can use scripture, songs, and circumstances. All you have to do is listen.



5. Love the ones you have!

Needing Clarity

I love my blog because it's an outlet I can use when I need an outlet. Unfortunately, most of the time, I blog when I'm sad. I wish I could say otherwise. For a while, I was doing really good, but lately I've had a harder time. I'm tired of wanting. I'm tired of mourning what I don't have. Here's the thing we really need God to clarify this for us. If he does not want us to have another child, I need peace about that. I need a peace that overcomes waves of sadness that pierce my heart. It's a topic that rattles me so badly, and I'm tired of being shaken. Please pray for clarity as we welcome 2014.

If you are on a PC, you should be able to see the video below.

Lilianna is a huge blessing to me. I burst with love for her!
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jgDRkssCo6g

Amen! 100th Post!

I have the BEST news for my 100th post! Jamie has a job!!! We are so excited about his new job, and we are so thankful to Jesus for his blessings. We have been waiting for this for a long, long time. There were many times when I wondered just how long God would want to keep us in the desert, but I knew it was for His glory. I took comfort in that. I chose to be apart of his plan even when I didn't understand. Also, I'm proud of my husband and our marriage. We never let this job issue be an issue that would cause walls to build in our marriage. Even when I had days of exhaust, I kept my faith in God's plan and in my husband. Through it all, God met our needs through our family and friends. Just like the birds, our needs were met!

Sad but Happy

I've had many unanswered prayers so far this year, but I'm so happy for what I do have. I have a Savior who loves me and has plans to use me to advance His kingdom. I have a husband who LOVES me. I have a beautiful daughter who fills my world with joy. There are so many things I have to be thankful for each day! I use those thoughts to get me through rough times. I know I'm never alone! God is always, always next to me!

Busy Bees

Summer life before Lilianna was always boring. Summer life with Lilianna has me as busy as a bee, but it's a good kind of busy.

The Chair

I haven't made a post in awhile. I haven't made a post because it means I have to sit on "the chair" again. "The chair?" Yes, "the chair" I sat on night and day in the computer room while I was finishing all of my work for NBPTS. "The chair" that carried all my stress and burdened my back, which still aches when I sit down.

Another reason why I haven't sat on "the chair" is because I have been enjoying life again. I feel like a mom again to Lilianna, and it means the world to me. Everyday, I find myself consumed with busy, fun activities, and I'm loving it. There was one day before the business of summer that I worried that summer boredom was going to consume me, but that has not happened. A two year old constantly surprises me, and there is never a dull moment.

Yes. I'm happy.

However.....ugh, I hate to add a "however" at this wonderful time, but there is a however. :(

For five years, I have been waiting for a very specific prayer request to be answered.

At my last bible study, we learned about "discontent." We are reading Stuck by Jennie Allen.

 The topic wouldn't leave my mind, so I emailed my GFN group a long message. This is some of it.

*****************************************************************

Wow! Thursday night's topic was so deep that I can't get it off my mind. I felt I needed more supplemental materials, so I have spent a few hours surfing the web looking for the right message to help lead me to contentment. I found many websites that helped, but I did not find a particular message that I could copy and paste in this message that I felt the need to send. Then, I thought of this:  

ESL students go through five stages (I reviewed this for my NBPTS test.). 

1. Optimism

2. Culture Shock

3. Superficiality

4. Frustration

5. Acceptance

This totally relates to my spiritual life when it comes to praying about....-you guessed it-....Jamie's job. 

1. I felt optimism in 2008 when Jamie graduated and the economy was still rolling pretty well.2. I felt culture shock year after year when the economy kept crashing down, and the state of Arkansas kept pushing back plans to certify all PE coaching positions.3. I have been very superficial when I've "faked" being happy for others. 4 & 5. I go in and out of these two phases each school year.

But, here is what God says:

1: Optimism

Psalm 37:4 

Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

2. Culture Shock

Romans 8:28 

And we know that for those who love God ALL things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

3. Superficial - I know I should be thankful, but sometimes I'm superficial. 

2 Corinthians 9:11 

You will be enriched in every way to be generous in every way, which through us will produce thanksgiving to God.

4. Frustration

1 Corinthians 10:10 

Nor grumble, as some of them did and were destroyed by the Destroyer.

(Thursday night we discussed if it's okay to be upset even if we shouldn't be upset. I think that is human nature. Jennie alluded to this when she wrote, "He wanted us to need him.")

5. Acceptance - Accepting God's Will

Philippians 4:10-13 

I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at length you have revived your concern for me. You were indeed concerned for me, but you had no opportunity. Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

Jennie wrote, "While we compare and long and wait and ask and save and spend and flaunt and pretend and cry and whine and tear down and puff up and stare and wish and ignore and complain and demand and search and find...we miss something...we miss the most important thing...maybe we miss the only thing."

What do you think that is??? I think it is....

1 John 4:16 

So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.

I will choose to believe that ALL things work for the glory of God today because I know He loves me. Today I will not submit to discontent.

Am I preaching to myself? Yes, but it's like Beth Moore. She says she writes studies to find healing for herself. 

I'm also going to do last week's project. I'm going to celebrate someone's good news - I might even do it on Facebook. It's like the Good News book! Ha! That goes back to what we have said a few times about Facebook. :) 

Again, wow! Thursday night was so deep but so good for me! It called out to me and hasn't left my side. I needed this, and I'm so thankful for all of you! 

************************************************************

So, what is my prayer request? Our family needs the job my wonderful husband deserves. He went to college, got a degree, and he's got his foot in the door, but he can't seem to get the job he deserves - the job he is really good at. Mostly, I think it's because of the economy and politics. However, it's really because this is where God has us. So, I'm going to get off "the chair" now and go sit in the "palm of His [God's] hand." I will not submit to discontent.